Britney’s Love Lesson Number Three

November 17th, 2006 by Nina Atwood

If you do marry fast, put off having children until you see if it gels. Again, the rush to having children, like the rush to marriage, is like spinning that big roulette wheel. This time, though, the consequences are huge and the children pay the price if your number comes up wrong. Study after study shows that children of divorce suffer in countless ways. Perhaps the deepest effect is that they grow up lacking in the confidence that relationships can last for a lifetime. Their experience is of the revolving door of relationships, so they tend to either shy away from commitment as adults or they choose badly and have multiple marriages themselves. Not to mention the pain of the custody battles, shuttling back and forth between two homes, and all the anxiety that triggers in kids.

If marriage is a tree, the roots are shallow with a rapid courtship. If a strong wind comes along, the tree is likely to blow over. With a longer courtship focused on authentic communication, not just romantic fantasy, we develop deep roots that hold the tree upright when the winds of conflict blow. If we jump into marriage too quickly, we can still develop those roots.

By slowing down after marriage, we create the opportunity to work through the issues that we by-passed in the frantic courtship. Before we bring children into the dynamic, we can slow down, pay attention to the issues that arise, and develop better skills of listening and speaking so we solidify our commitment, create an emotionally safe space, and grow deeper roots in the marriage. (Read Soul Talk: Powerful, Positive Communication for a Loving Partnership for all the tools you’ll need to grow deep, solid relationship roots.)

In tomorrow’s Britney Love Lesson, we’ll look at how to handle a divorce, if it can’t be avoided, so that we build a platform for a future great relationship.

Entry Filed under: Breaking Up,Celebrity Buzz,Dating,Personal Growth