Tom and Katie: Too Soon to Celebrate Part 2

 By Nina Atwood

Tom’s baggage: divorce without “due process.” Tom brought a major issue into Katie’s life and how they deal with it will determine their true success in the long haul. It appears that when Tom grew disenchanted with his second (that’s right, second) wife Nicole, he bolted. Nicole says that she was blind-sided. She may have known they had problems, but she clearly didn’t expect him to abandon their marriage with no notice. This doesn’t bode well for Katie!

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and Tom’s indicates that when he reaches a certain level of frustration, he doesn’t know how to slow down. He makes major life-altering decisions based on the emotion of the day, rather than dealing with the emotions first, and deciding later.

Yet this is exactly what the bonds of marriage are all about. Marriage is supposed to act as glue to keep you planted with your spouse while you deal with the issues. If, and only if, you cannot resolve them as a couple, then you decide together that divorce is your best option rather than a lifetime of misery. But you decide that together, just as you decided together that you would marry. That’s what “due process” is all about, and when you do it, you have a much better chance at success in the next marriage.

Dr. Phil calls it “earning your way out” of an unworkable marriage, and I strongly agree. I call it “no exit without due process.” It’s a vital step that completes the emotional loop, that honors the person you loved enough to marry, and that prepares you for the emotional maturity that you need to have a future successful marriage.

Do Tom and Katie have a shot at a great marriage that lasts a lifetime? Absolutely! They certainly have a strong incentive in the form of beautiful baby Suri. What they will need is the insight to recognize the baggage they brought and the difficulty they created in their hurried pathway. If they can acknowledge the inherent risks, and if they can truly commit to the work of marriage, they have a great chance at success. Most important, if they can create a “no exit without due process” agreement, they will really be able to soar. See Chapter Twelve in my book Soul Talk for all about the no exit agreement.

What if you’re divorced and you didn’t earn your way out? Read my next post for how to gain the same emotional completion even though you are years post-divorce.

Copyright 2006 by Nina Atwood, All Rights Reserved
No reprints without the express written permission of Nina Atwood


Entry Filed under: Celebrity Buzz,Divorce,Marriage

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