The Bachelor: Brad’s Frozen Heart

November 23rd, 2007 by Nina Atwood

On Tuesday’s After The Final Rose Ceremony show, this season’s bachelor Brad Womack bravely tried to explain why he failed to choose one of the two women he so ardently courted. Neither Jenni nor DeAnna walked away with any real answers, as Brad’s behavior during their dates and his words at the end of it all didn’t line up. Throughout the final weeks of the show, he indicated in actions and words that he was powerfully attracted to both women, and this may have been his undoing. “This is hard for me to say to your face,” he said to Jenni, “but when I was with you I was thinking about DeAnna and when I was with her I was thinking about you.” What a muddle of confusion for everyone. But it was difficult for anyone to muster up a lot of sympathy for him while two women sat broken-hearted, still struggling three months later to understand what went wrong.

Brad exhibits all the classic behavior of a Westbound Train* - someone who will date you, be intimate with you, make you fall in love with him, but bail at the moment of choice, failing to make a commitment of any kind. It’s not that he’s evil and intends to hurt women. It’s that his heart is frozen in fear.

When anything happens in our lives that triggers fear, our brains and bodies go into fight, flight, freeze or appease. In Brad’s case, getting close to choosing and making a commitment threw him into fear which manifested as freeze. His heart shut down and all of a sudden he was saying things like “I can’t look you in the eye and say that I love you.” This, after weeks of powerful attraction and passionate courtship.

DeAnna was tempted, as many single women are, to offer Brad a “second chance” to step up to the plate. But what a disaster that would have been, as their relationship would have been terribly off balance: she loving him so much, he so fearful. The wounded guy can be such a hook to a caring woman, who erroneously believes that if she simply loves him enough, his heart will heal and he will become a man who commits. DeAnna and Jenni are both very high quality women who deserve more – someone who is wild about them and ready to commit.

Brad ended the show saying he has “issues,” and that’s very honest, though probably an understatement. Hopefully he will use his declared time off from dating to self-examine and get help so that he can overcome his fear of commitment and be open to loving and being loved.

*Read all about Westbound Trains and how to deal with them in Be Your Own Dating Service.

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