The Bachelor: Should Andy and Tessa Live Together?

May 29th, 2007 by Nina Atwood

Saronne commented that Andy and Tessa’s goal to live together in Hawaii was ill-advised. Turns out she’s right. Most studies indicate that living together before marriage does not increase a couple’s odds of success (i.e., “testing” the relationship before marraige) and may even lessen them. The problems with living together prior to marriage include:

• Often couples decide to live together for financial reasons (i.e., my lease is up) rather than emotional ones (we’re committed to each other)
• One of the two may believe that this is a transition to marriage while the other sees it as a relationship test (i.e., if it doesn’t work out, we’ll just split); this puts the relationship off-balance at the get-go
• Cohabitation gives you all of the problems of marriage (i.e., figuring out how to successfully share a living space and day-to-day life) without the benefits (a strong commitment to keep you anchored through the ups and downs)

The benefits of cohabitating prior to marriage are . . . well, that is hard to determine. It doesn’t help you have a more successful marriage, so that’s not a benefit. You can save money on rent or mortgages, but if that’s your primary reason for moving in together then your commitment is not high enough.

Are there successful marriages that began with cohabitating? Yes, but there are certain factors that you need to have in place in order for your odds of success to be higher:

• You’re engaged with a wedding date set – this is not a test run but a definite prelude to marriage
• You’ve dated for at least a year so that you are confidant that you have a good sense of one another’s values, character, and compatibility
• You are aligned on your goals – if we asked each of you separately why you’re moving in together and what are your future plans, we would get the same answers

Since Tessa and Andy have only known each other a few months and do not have a wedding date set, they are at risk for either a.) never marrying, or b.) marrying and later divorcing. Since we don’t know for certain that they plan to live in the same home when she moves to Hawaii, we’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they’ve figured out that their odds are higher living separately for now.

Entry Filed under: Celebrity Buzz,Marriage