The Bachelorette: Jillian Keeps Bad Boy, Dumps Good Guy

 By Nina Atwood

This season’s bachelorette, Jillian, has a tough job sorting out the good from the not so good. She doesn’t have the insight that we do, such as the clips of narcissistic Wes preening about his musical career. Still, we can learn from watching her journey as we hope for a good outcome.

He’s not ready. Jillian opted to not give Robby the bartender a rose, and that was a wise choice. Given his lack of maturity, she would have been investing in the HOPE that he will grow up and be ready to start a family. Someday. Hope is not a good strategy! A guy doesn’t make significant changes to keep the woman he’s already caught. He may make changes after the current woman gets totally fed up and dumps him. In the agony of the breakup, he has his “ah-ha” moment, grows up, and then takes that learning into the new relationship. That’s why you so frequently hear about the woman who breaks up with her boyfriend of many years (who won’t marry her), only to witness him marrying someone else within a year.

Dumping the good guy. Jake, a wonderful guy by all appearances, was as puzzled by Jillian’s rejection as we are. No, nice guys don’t always finish last, but yes, many woman have a weakness for bad boys. Jillian admitted her weakness for bad boys in one of the earliest episodes of the season, and now we see it played out. Will she regret dumping Jake? I think it’s a strong possibility.

Keeping the bad boy. How many more time do we have to go through the gag factor of Wes’ self-absorbed monologues when Jillian’s not around? If only the producers would let the bachelorette watch some of THAT tape, we could be spared the agony of watching this train wreck happen in slow motion. Here’s the real question: Why do so many women pick the bad guys?

In brief, here’s how it works. Fear and excitement are very similar processes in the brain, so much so that some people don’t distinguish well between them emotionally. People who crave excitement, and Jillian’s adrenaline-arousing escapades show that she is one of those people, often choose high-risk relationships because it makes them feel more, and thus feel more alive. Fear/excitement is better than boredom to someone like Jillian. Of course, when it all crashes and burns, hindsight will tell her it may not have been worth it.

With maturity, excitement-loving people often make a decision that the highs and lows are not worth it. It’s time for Jillian to have that realization – she’s no longer 22, she wants marriage and family, and if she doesn’t wake up and face reality, she will bypass her best years, wasting them on nowhere relationships with immature guys. She’ll have lots of highs, but also the lows, and eventually, huge regrets. I’m rooting for Jillian’s awakening – let’s see what happens!

Entry Filed under: Celebrity Buzz,Dating

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Braidwood  |  June 25th, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    I agree with most of what you said, but I disagree about Jake. I’m glad she let Jake go. He seems pretty immature to me. I think he is a pretty good guy but he also seems uncomfortable showing more emotion and passion. I think Jillian is pretty mature and in touch with herself and I don’t think Jake matches her at that level.

  • 2. Beth Banning  |  June 30th, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    This actually the first time I caught the Bachelorette and I was pretty disappointed that the good guy was dumped for bad guy. Some women tend to have a “messiah complex” in which they think that they need to save their man to be a better person. Or maybe women want the “title” of being the woman who was able to turn a bad boy to a good boy.

    This mentality comes with age. While you’re young, you think a bad boy would make the world exciting; a good guy is boring. However, a bad boy is actually similar to a good guy in regards to routine. A bad boy makes you feel insecure, unwanted or worse, unloved – it becomes a routine and a co-dependent relationship that love eventually fizzles out.

    I hope Jillian finds true happiness; although I wish she could have picked Jake. :(

  • 3. n2god  |  October 9th, 2009 at 6:42 am

    Good post. I would be the older Jillian with many regrets. I’ve learned through the years after experience (lots of it and through a thick-head).

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