Have you ever loved someone who could not or would not move forward and make a real commitment? Did you ever find yourself in the position of holding onto someone who caused you more pain than happiness? Do your friends tell you that you are settling? Do you know what it feels like to believe that the person you love is the ONLY person you could ever love that much, so that you have no objectivity, no ability to choose in or choose out? Do you talk endlessly to your friends and family about all the problems in your relationship, re-hashing every painful moment, yet feel powerless to either change it or move on? If you have a pattern of getting into relationships with people who cannot or will not meet your needs, yet you cannot let go of them, you might be suffering from love addiction. Find out what the signs and symptoms are, as well as what you can do to begin your recovery. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 [...]
Continue Reading July 19th, 2012
Saturday at the beauty salon where I get my hair done, everyone was buzzing about the bestselling erotic fantasy novel Fifty Shades of Grey. My stylist, eyes glowing, told me I just had to read it. It seems that some of the women in the shop were getting a little marital lift out of Fifty Shades. One customer reportedly had “attacked her husband twice” the week that she read the book. So I gamely downloaded it and did my “research,” and it is truly a page-turning erotic journey. Since the book seems to be such a phenomenon, I wondered about the impact on relationships. Why, I wondered, do we love this book so much? First, there’s the obvious. He’s hot, she’s hot, and their wild sex life is so combustible it could light up a large city for at least 48 hours if we harnessed it. That said, I don’t think too many men are reading this book. When I mentioned it to my husband he gave me one of those deer-in-the-headlights looks. Not only [...]
Continue Reading May 15th, 2012
What are your dreams for your life? Do you believe you can make them happen, or have you given up? More importantly, what is in the way of you achieving your dreams? In this enlightening podcast, Nina talks about the power of dreams: defining them, overcoming obstacles, and believing in them. If you are willing to take a few risks, you may want to challenge yourself to a.) define your dreams, and b.) understand how you may be sabotaging yourself on the road to achieving them. Also, find out how dreams can be the fuel for your life, and what kind of dreams actually motivate people. Understand the role of financial goals and what kind are empowering versus the kind that actually can get in the way. Learn how to create energy, motivation, and more life satisfaction. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save [...]
Continue Reading May 15th, 2012
What is “free love” and how does it affect today’s relationships? If you are over the age of 45, you already have some concept, but whether you do or not, the 1960′s notion of “free love” has a huge impact on relationships today. Your life has already been impacted by this historical phenomenon, and you may want to know how, especially for women. It’s not what you think, and in this enlightening podcast Nina shreds old notions about this familiar concept. Find out what real love really is, how two people can create it together, and why it is so much better than the alternatives, no matter how “free.” Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music folder on your computer. Sync with your MP3 player or iPod, and listen to Nina Atwood, the Singlescoach®, anytime! Amazon.com Widgets
Continue Reading May 6th, 2012
Tina Marie Jones, Voice America Radio Host Extraordinaire, interviews Nina in this candid discussion about what happens when women give away their power in a relationship. Listen in as Tina Marie and Nina examine the top three myths that keep women stuck in a cycle of relationships that are unloving and unsafe. Find out what you can do as a woman to begin a new relationship on the right path, or correct the path of your current relationship. To find out more about Tina Marie and to access her radio show and other offerings, visit her website. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music folder on your computer. Sync with your MP3 player or iPod, and listen to Nina Atwood, the Singlescoach®, anytime! Amazon.com Widgets
Continue Reading February 24th, 2012
Am I right for him? This is the unconsciously asked question that gets women into big trouble with men. You may not realize it, but you may be operating through this filter in your relationships. Initially, he’s totally into you, and that feels wonderful! But what happens a few weeks or months later when he seems to pull away emotionally? How do you handle it when his attention and intention fall off? How do you react when he begins to subtly (or not-so-subtly) criticize you, making suggestions about how you can lose weight, cut your hair, and more? Listen to this podcast for Nina’s advice on how to begin and remain in an empowered position in all your relationships. Never again should you have to feel “less than” with any guy. Instead, you can have the experience of being cherished. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target [...]
Continue Reading February 5th, 2012
Hi Nina: I am attracted to emotionally unavailable men. However I am also emotionally unavailable; I always look for an escape clause. I watched my parents, who loved each other, have a miserable marriage for over 30 yrs (they divorced when I was 26). I swore that if I cared for someone & he or I wasn’t happy I would be strong enough to leave. I was in a relationship with a man for 6 yrs & as usual I left. I believe this was the right thing to do, for both of us. Now when I meet someone I am interested in I automatically start to push them away, even before there is a chance to know if they are interested. I am very independent & have been told by my mother & others that I am too independent. My mother even went so far as to say that no man would ever want me because I would make him feel emasculated. So instead of waiting to find out if someone is interested in me [...]
Continue Reading January 4th, 2012
Recently a journalist called and wanted to discuss the impact of texting on relationships – not the first time I have been asked that question. It’s highly relevant given the prevalence of social medial and how it’s used. Here are the questions asked and my answers: Do you think that texting creates insecurity and misunderstanding in a relationship? And does it give a man more power? Texting is just a tool, and like any other tool, it can be used constructively or destructively. If you have an issue in your relationship, texting is not the avenue to solve it. Face-to-face interaction is better because you stand a far better chance of reading the nuances of your partner’s emotions. Printed words can be easily misunderstood – people often react strongly to the written word because they misinterpret the other person’s intentions. Here’s the general rule: if it’s emotionally sensitive, take it to the telephone or face-to-face. Texting doesn’t give a man more power. Women give away their power by responding to texts instead of holding out for real-time interactions. [...]
Continue Reading December 4th, 2011
…And What to Do About It Fourteen years ago, the holidays came around but I was not in a festive mood. Everywhere I looked, there were constant reminders of what was supposed to be happening in my life: happy couples strolling along in the mall, television commercials featuring the guy giving the girl a gorgeous diamond ring, not to mention those holiday songs of love. I was divorced, had broken up with my latest boyfriend, and what I wanted most for Christmas was for it to be over, already. I know firsthand what it feels like to feel left out, and that’s what most singles experience during the holidays. What I didn’t do then was take charge, but later in my single years before I met my husband I learned to do exactly that. I learned that if you are passive, opportunities pass you by, and that being proactive wins the day. That lesson, of course, holds true for just about any life crisis. Here are the three main reasons that you will find the holidays [...]
Continue Reading November 27th, 2011
Are you leading an intentional life? Do you listen to your inner compass – that part of you that tells you what is in your highest and greatest good? Nina tells you why it is so important to develop a strong inner compass and to listen to it. When you do, you are more empowered to make choices and to behave in ways that move your life forward on the path you truly desire. Here’s what helps: Emotional intelligence – the source of intuition and gut feelings that inform us about people and situations that are good for us, and those that are not How alcohol consumption interferes with emotional intelligence on the first two to three dates and what to do about it How to quickly see the signs and signals that someone is not right for you How to identify the marriage-minded and avoid the players And much more! Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your [...]
Continue Reading February 6th, 2011
Some situations in life you cannot control, but during those that you can, self-inflicted situations we’ll call them, how do you handle yourself? Do you listen to your inner compass? Our bodies can pick up emotional energy from other people, and the whole field of emotional intelligence has shown us that there’s a reason that we have a feeling known as intuition- knowing what kind of situations and people are good or bad for us. So as you move through life, listen to that instinct. Some people ask me why it’s so important to not drink alcohol on the first few dates with someone new. There’s nothing wrong with alcohol, but when you choose to do that with someone who is brand new, alcohol numbs your ability to determine if someone is going to be a positive or negative influence on your life. Your natural intuition is inhibited when you are drinking, therefore your bulls**t meter can be severely hampered. This show explores why developing your inner compass is invaluable and how to avoid looking [...]
Continue Reading December 1st, 2010
What do you get caught in that pulls you off the path of a great relationship? Do you date men who are high risk? Men who take you on a roller coaster ride that ends in heartbreak? How do you determine a guy’s character? Do you have a well-defined picture of what you’re looking for in a relationship? Are you committed to your vision? You have to figure out what your vision is and stay true to that. I want you to sidestep settle-for relationships and eventually avoid them altogether. Don’t waste your time on dates and men who are not right for you. The idea is to spend your time with quality men and stay true to your deepest values so that you don’t compromise what’s important to you. True or False? Dating is just for fun. False. Think about your life as a matter of design. Having a sense of design about your love life is crucial rather than going with the flow and hoping a great relationship falls into your lap. Is [...]
Continue Reading October 7th, 2010
Michael asked if he and his girlfriend have a chance at a healthy love and a life of accomplishment of goals. With multiple addictions between them, and a family history of addictions on both sides, they have many challenges. Here’s my message to them. Michael: first of all, I want to acknowledge you for sharing your story and for having the self-insight to be concerned about your future (and your future children’s lives). The first step in any process of recovery and growth is, as you know, awareness, and then declaring the truth of your situation. Second, the most useful way to view this is as a process: of recovery, insight, growth, development of skills, and health. If you view it as an event, you’ll get wrapped around the tree. So, let’s look at your process. I don’t know what the smoking addiction is that you referred to. If it’s cigarettes, you know that you’re setting yourself up for health issues. If it’s marijuana, here’s what you need to know. Pot use (if it’s regular and frequent, daily [...]
Continue Reading September 9th, 2010
Love Strategies August 15th: It was truly a mix of topics, starting with women leaving their marriages in droves, touching on honesty in online dating, and ending with an inspirational quote from Kahlil Gibran on love. Listen to the whole show here. This story appeared in the Dallas Morning News over the weekend: Why are women leaving their marriages? Journalist Christine Wicker cited anecdotal evidence that middle-aged women are not content staying married to the husbands with whom they’ve spent the past several decades. Confronted with mid life, they are questioning the decisions of the past, and many are carving out an escape path. Divorce is real, and it’s still prevalent. Is it higher for middle aged women these days? That’s not clear, but if it is true, there are things we can learn from these stories: – Never stop focusing on having your own life, even if you’re raising children; loss of “self” is a major reason women become massively dissatisfied later in life and blame it on the men they marry; divorce and remarriage won’t fix that [...]
Continue Reading September 1st, 2010
If you have completed your visioning exercises (see previous blogs: 2008 Intentions, 2007 Reflections, Current State, Life Vision Statement, and 2008 Vision Statement), then you are ready to set SMART goals for 2010. What is a SMART goal? S = Specific M = Measurable A = Action-oriented, achievable R = Results-oriented T = Time-based A SMART goal might be something like this: Land a new job in my industry by end the fourth quarter 2010 Join 3 online dating services and complete my profiles by end of January ‘11 Attend two singles groups or functions every month in ‘10 Arrange time to spend with my closest friends every month Lose 10 pounds by November 30th Join a health club and work out 3 times per week beginning first week of October And so on. Write down your SMART goals, then create a small chart that looks like this: I will be on track with my goals if I achieve these milestones: End of 1st quarter: [milestone] End of 2nd quarter: [milestone] End of 3rd quarter: [milestone] [...]
Continue Reading August 4th, 2010
Understanding and awareness are powerful first steps necessary for any life change. But if you stop there, so does your life. Action moves things forward; action creates real change. Nothing, even the deepest levels of understanding and awareness, substitutes for action. If you’re not happy with your dating life, get into action. Use these SinglesCoach forums to educate yourself, read my books, listen to my audio tapes, then put what you learn into real world action. If the goal is a great relationship, then the action is get in the game! That means you must actively search for and participate in venues for singles: internet dating web sites, church or synagogue singles events, matchmaking; in short, anything that puts you in front of other singles so that you have the opportunity to date.
Continue Reading July 27th, 2010
Dear Nina: I’ve read your book, Temptations of the Single Girl, and I’m getting ready to read Be Your Own Dating Service and I really need your advice. I’m 43 years old and until a year ago, I have never been in a relationship, and I mean never. I wish I knew why, people tell me I’m attractive. I have had some weight issues, which could be one reason why men weren’t attracted to me. It hasn’t been from my lack of trying. I’ve known and liked different men over the years, but I guess I just wasn’t choosing the right ones because they never reflected those feelings back to me and I’ve never been asked out. When I was 39, I had LapBand surgery, lost 80 pounds in a year, had a tummy tuck and a breast lift, and went blond. Shortly after that, I met my first boyfriend and we were together a year before he suddenly ended the relationship. After 8 months of grieving, I’m ready to move on and find a [...]
Continue Reading July 23rd, 2010
Dear Singlescoach: I am a 28 yr old woman and I am dating a 17 year old guy. He will be 18 in 5 months. And amazingly this has been the best relationship I have ever been in. However, there are a few problems… His parents don’t approve (especially his mother) and my sister thinks I’m making a mistake and being foolish. Age of consent in the state we live in is 17, so that’s not a problem. But the town we live in is small and the gossip has gotten so bad about us. People are talking about it like it is terrible. But the fact is that we really love and care for each other. Sex is not what our relationship is about; we haven’t even had sex yet, and we have been together for two months. We get each other; we make each other laugh, we have similar interests, and we are so happy together. I want to know what you think about this. How should I handle parents? How should I handle [...]
Continue Reading July 21st, 2010
What happens when you get to the point of “No matter what the outcome I will be okay?” I seem to have the problem now that I know I’m okay and don’t need someone, I don’t get close to anyone. There is an important distinction between individuation (basically, that I am a separate human being who is complete even when not in a relationship) and the fear of intimacy. You know it is the latter when you don’t allow yourself to get close to another person. As human beings, we seek the middle ground, but sometimes we miss. Perhaps at one time in your life you got very close to someone, maybe even so close that you lost a bit of yourself. You opened your heart, you trusted, and you put everything you had into the relationship. Then one day something happened. You found yourself alone and lonely, grieving, hurt, lost and confused. You picked yourself up, dusted yourself off (maybe sooner, maybe later), and you went on with your life. You resolved that never [...]
Continue Reading July 13th, 2010
Dear Nina: I have fallen in love with someone who thinks he’s in love with someone else. I still want to hang on. I’ve let myself fall in love with him, and I feel desperate to keep him in my life in some way even though I know it’s unhealthy. How can I break this hold? – Julie Julie: The key words in your question are “desperate” and “unhealthy,” both of which indicate that you are crossing the line into what is referred to as love addiction*. This is basically a relationship in which you cannot get your needs met and you feel unable to move on to a better relationship or to change the dynamics of the current one. The price for love addiction, if not intervened in quickly, is quite steep, and may lead to: A repetitive cycle of feeling hopeful, struggling to get what you want, pain, anger and desperation when you don’t, and resignation or hopelessness The escalation of this cycle, so that your highs and lows are more and more [...]
Continue Reading July 9th, 2010
Sandy fell deeply in love with Greg over the course of their romance. By the fourth date she was sure he was the one for her. He seemed to return her feelings and their relationship progressed nicely until the fourth week. Suddenly, he stopped calling as much, begging off with excuses like overwork and needing time with his buddies. The more he pulled away, the more obsessed she became with trying to get him back. He began avoiding her calls and not returning her emails, and this sent her into an emotional tailspin. This story took a dramatic turn when she showed up at his work and demanded that he talk to her. Embarassed that this emotionally overwrought woman had shown up at his office, Greg asked her to leave. The situation escalated until the police were called, at which point she hastily left, deeply ashamed of her behavior. After that, Sandy suffered off and on for the next three years, yearning for the return of her lover – yes, the guy who had spurned her. Though she desperately [...]
Continue Reading July 5th, 2010
Dear Nina: I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. I am a divorced mum of one child; I have tried to prevent further trauma to my son by remaining in the marital home. My relationship was very up and down with this man for the first four years and after many split ups he appears to be more committed; i.e., not going out to night clubs. The problem is that he is very jealous and upsets me when I try to do things on my own like going on a conference for my business or doing things with my friends. In my previous marriage I could do whatever I wanted and now I feel that I am stunting myself. I do love this man but how do I keep me. – Vivienne Dear Vivienne: I don’t know which came first: his jealousy (maybe he’s just wired that way) or your lack of commitment as displayed by remaining in the same home with your ex-husband (maybe you provoked him into it). Either way, you have a complicated situation that is not conducive to a [...]
Continue Reading June 25th, 2010
Cindy met Bill through her tennis club. He was charming, good-looking, and he swept her off her feet in a whirlwind courtship. Pushing for a quick marriage, he proposed after only two months. Though she felt a few flutters of anxiety, Cindy accepted, hoping for true love. Six months later, she deeply regretted the haste. Bill turned out to be both alcoholic and verbally abusive, with the threat of physical abuse lurking in the volatile atmosphere. Frightened, she moved out and filed for divorce. Later, she reflected on how she had gotten herself in such a painful place. Something deep inside Cindy had sent up warning flares, telling her that she was moving too fast. But she’d plunged ahead, repressing her own better judgment, which was trying to get her to slow down. Why had she ignored the signals? “I was afraid that if I told him I wanted to slow down, he might lose interest. He was so passionate, so full of life, and I felt so flattered that this great looking guy wanted me. All the women liked him. It [...]
Continue Reading June 21st, 2010
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.” – Mother Teresa Okay, so maybe we can’t always be the shining example of love that was Mother Teresa. But we can benefit from her example and her words of wisdom. If you want a great relationship, one of the milestones is realizing that most of the love you receive comes from the love that you give. If you think of it like “emotional muscle” that you must develop in order to be a healthy partner to someone, then the workout is looking for opportunities to practice loving behavior. You don’t have to be in love to give love. You don’t have to wait until your soul mate comes along to practice the same behaviors you will need when you meet him/her. You can begin today by looking around and noticing who needs a little emotional boost that you can [...]
Continue Reading June 17th, 2010
Cherie writes about her Ex dating a crack addict while continuing to see her (Cherie) on the side. She asks: Number 1- Do we still have a chance to get back together? Number 2- Will he stay with her? She says, “he is in a rebound relationship and I don’t think it will last much longer.” Cherie, your focus is entirely in the wrong place. Instead of wondering if you can get back together with this guy, you should be wondering why you want him back. You describe the relationship as a drama-rama of fighting and breaking up, followed by his hooking up with someone else and cheating on her with you. This is a highly dysfunctional formula for life and relationships. My answer to you is: it doesn’t matter if you get back together or not because it’s unlikely to work; in fact, I would bet it won’t work. Healthy relationships are built on shared values and mutual love and respect. I don’t hear much respect from you toward him, and with good reason. How can [...]
Continue Reading June 8th, 2010
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