By Nina Atwood I have a long history of choosing men who are emotionally unavailable in some way. In your recent relationship training, you stated that we choose unavailable partners because we are ourselves unavailable in some way. How am I being unavailable, and how can I change this pattern so that I can attract a Northbound Train?  – Cathy If you’re over the age of 20, you have some emotional baggage, to one degree or another. Some have more than do others, and it tends to get heavier as we get older and have successive relationships and/or marriages that […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood How do I learn to trust again after I have been so hurt in past relationships? The ability to trust, to open my heart to love and to be loved, is something that I consider my most precious asset in life. I recognize that I am in charge of it, of the ability to trust, and that it resides within me. Does the behavior of others ever affect that? Absolutely. The ravages of relationships gone wrong have certainly shaken my faith in love and caused me to question my trusting nature. From time to time, I have […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood I am still looking for the right man to share my life with, but I have been “burned” so many times that I am cautious in the dating arena. How can a professional young woman meet a stable older man that doesn’t play head games?   - Diana There are two revealing words in your question: “burned” and “cautious.” Clearly, you’ve been hurt in love and you are seeking to avoid pain in the future. That is entirely understandable, and there are some steps to cover in order to achieve that goal. Avoiding pain, whether in dating or […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood I have not been dating much in the last few years, due to being hurt too many times in past relationships, mainly by infidelity on the part of my past partners. I thought that if I was straight forward and honest that the other person would be also. Now I want to learn to detect early on the signs that I might have missed in the past. The problem I’m having now is not being able to open up. With one recent date, I was totally speechless and tied up inside. What can I do?    – […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood I’m a male, 33, and I’ve committed myself to stay out of the bedroom at least until there is a commitment and hopefully even until marriage. I feel that finding out sexual compatibility before marriage should NOT be a requirement. I cannot fathom being in love and then letting performance in bed be the deciding factor! This position makes it difficult for me to ask women out, as I’m afraid that she will demand an early sexual relationship. How do I stick to my principles and let go of this anxiety so that I can date?   - […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood I have been dating someone for about three months, very soon after my divorce. He is by far the most kind, considerate, and giving man I’ve ever known. Our relationship is very good. We don’t argue or fight (unlike with my ex), and when we have a problem we discuss it openly and work things out. The problem I’m having is that I keep finding ways to push him away (although I apologize later and set things right). I find myself resisting commitment and sometimes being uncomfortable, almost as if I just can’t accept the love that […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood Is there anything wrong with dating just for the fun of dating? Yes, I understand the partner should not be misled. Generally speaking, it sounds as if you feel that if a relationship is not headed toward marriage, it should be over.   – Brian People date for all kinds of reasons: For companionship, for intimacy, to look for a significant partner, and yes, for fun. There’s nothing wrong with dating for fun – it’s human nature to seek companionship in life, to enjoy being with another with no particular goal in mind. On the other side […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood My boyfriend was cheating on me and after confronting him he won’t admit to being unfaithful (says he’s done nothing wrong). Why is it so important to me to hear the truth from him? There is someone special in my life now but things feel so unfinished with the ex and I’m carrying all this baggage (insecurity, suspicions, jealousy) into my new relationship. How do I rid myself of all this hate and resentment? How do I start trusting again?  – Holly I hear several things that are getting in the way of you getting on with […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood I have been spending time with a man for about six months. We’ve had lunch, gone to sporting events, etc. Sometimes he asks, sometimes I ask (I asked first). We started out in a business relationship. I’m attracted to him so I would be interested in our friendship developing romantically. I don’t know how to let him know without making things uncomfortable if he doesn’t feel the same way.  - Carole I hear stories like this from women a lot. There are basically two possibilities about this man, assuming that he’s heterosexual and unattached romantically to anyone else. […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood I’m dating someone and I’m not sure if I’m with the right person. How do I know if I’m settling for less than a right partner? - Henry Relationships can shift and change with time, so there’s no perfect formula to tell you if it’s right for you. There are indicators that, taken together, add up to a less than complete picture, telling you that you may be settling for less: You have strong doubts about the relationship and your partner. You continually question the rightness of your romance, talking about it to friends and family without being […] Read More...

By Nina Atwood How does an accomplished woman go about finding a suitable mate, meaning someone who is an equal in the general sense of the word? I have little time or energy to hang around the traditional hunting grounds and I’m not sure about dating services. What do you suggest?  – Marci I don’t often write columns directed to one gender but today I decided to make an exception because I believe that today’s woman faces unique challenges in the search for a mate, especially if she is a person of intelligence and depth. The traditional roles no longer […] Read More...