Marrying For Your List

July 18th, 2007 by Nina Atwood

Out of sheer frustration with the roller-coaster ride of highly passionate yet dysfunctional relationships, you decide to sit down and make a list. Intelligent, attractive, self-caring, shares my values, no drugs, shares my interests – these are the kinds of items that comprise “the list.” Then you look around and the first person who fits the list you may be tempted to grab. Couples often marry based primarily on matching lists. But something vital can be left out of that transaction.

Marrying for your list, while essential, is not enough. Once you realize that your lists match, you must then enter the journey of discovery. That journey reveals to you whether or not your hearts will connect in love and devotion. Research has documented the fact that it is behavior that generates marital success (i.e., treating each other with love and respect). But what motivates that behavior? Two things. One – being treated well makes you want to treat the other person well. So, simple as it may sound, that old Golden Rule works wonders in relationships.

Two – love is a powerful motivator in relationships. Marrying someone primarily because of your list absent that deep down love does not work. But what kind of love is a motivator? It’s not that heart-pounding, skin-tingling, early stage enchantment love. The kind of love that motivates devotion for a lifetime is the deep down love that you feel for someone whom you know inside and out, warts and all. After all that, if you respect and adore this person, you have a great foundation for lifelong happy marriage.

Entry Filed under: Marriage