4 Reasons You Should Date a Failure
April 8th, 2013 - by Nina Atwood
Fourteen years ago when I met my husband, we were both failures. Relationship failures, that is. He was divorced twice and so was I. We were in our early forties, fearful of making another mistake, yet still hopeful that maybe this relationship would be the right one. We both had a healthy dose of skepticism, but we forged ahead. Good thing we did because meeting him has definitely turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me! If you are single and over forty, odds are you have at least one big relationship failure in your life. Singles often ask me about the people they are dating and whether or not they are worth the risk. He’s been divorced and single for ten years. Is he ready? She’s never been married but lived with a guy for fifteen years. Does she have a problem with commitment? The twice divorced person may look like a long shot, but it turns out that there are some real advantages to dating relationship failures. If [...] Read More...
Why is the book Fifty Shades of Grey still topping the bestsellers list? Why is it such a huge phenomenon? What is the emotional chord that it touches in so many women? This Love Strategies show is all about the book and why it is that we - women - love Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s not what you think! It’s not just the sex, it’s the bad boy fascination. Also on the show - a brand new study that reveals what makes women so attracted to bad boys. You will be shocked at the answer to that age old question. Also on this episode of Love Strategies, listen to the questions that other listeners ask. Your story may be a lot like someone else’s! Angela wonders why she runs away from relationships and toward her career. Linda follows up on her dilemma with her secretive and absent boyfriend. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music folder on your computer. Sync with your MP3 player [...] 
Women ask me all the time: how can I meet someone who is ready for commitment? How do I find a guy who is actually interested in marriage, not just fun and games? My answer is simple but not easy: figure out what you need to do to attract a commitment minded guy. Some of that is the inner work you need to do so that you are not attracting emotionally unavailable guys. Good relationships are always an inside job. The rest of it is understanding what to do on your dates so that you set the stage for real love, commitment, and a journey to marriage. In this podcast, featuring the questions I get from real people, you’ll learn why it is so vital that you DO talk about marriage with the men you date. Secondly, you’ll learn how to talk about it without scaring away [the right kind of] men. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your [...] 
The big news over the past couple of weeks is Manti Te’o – the elaborate hoax that put him in the media spolight in the most uncomfortable way possible. As the bizarre tale unfolded of how he fell in love with a woman he never met, the revelations seemed stranger than fiction. How could this famed Notre Dame player fall for something so outrageous? Here’s the scoop on how it happened to him, and why you must protect yourself from the risk of dating someone online. (For the Fox 4 story in which I was interviewed about Manti Te’o, click here.) The Victim A Catfishing victim doesn’t want to be hurt, but he (or she) may have some built-in issues that make him vulnerable. First, he is typically in a time of great transition such as recovering from a breakup or divorce. In Manti’s case, he was dealing with the transition from being just another player to being the famous player who was in line for the Heisman. Second, the Catfishing victim is unusually needy, craving affirmation. It’s [...] 
What is an internet dating catfish? And how can you protect yourself from having your heart broken by one? The new reality show on MTV is “Catfish” – it’s two guys who investigate the online daters who fall in love, have relationships sometimes for years, without ever meeting the other person! This is a shocking deep look at something that has been going on for years, but about which you hear little. Here we’ll take a deeper look at it – why the victims allow it to happen, and why the perpetrators do it. Then, you’ll hear the three things you MUST do when you date online to protect yourself. You’ll want this show if you date on the internet or plan to do so. You’ll want to recommend this show to any of your friends who are dating someone online that they haven’t met. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose [...] 
Dear Nina: I truly feel I’m addicted to my wife. We have been separated for 3 years and we have 3 children together that I have full custody of (yes I’m a male). She lives with another man, and still sees me and a third guy who is the reason we split up in the first place. I keep telling myself that I’m through, I’m done, yet find myself right back in the same situation a few days later. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m literally on the verge of complete insanity. I love her and I want our family back together. She claims she wants the same yet she continues to hang out with this younger guy AND still lives with the other guy who I honestly don’t think has a clue about what she is doing. We’ve been together for 15 yrs, separated for 3 of them. I really just don’t know how or what to do anymore. Please help me. – Dave, age 39 Dear Dave: You are definitely in the throes of love addiction, defined as the inability to get basic relationship needs met, yet [...] 
Did you know that too much materialism can kill your (future) marriage? A new study highlights the problems when one or both partners focus too much on having more things. We now know the personality traits that are associated with materialism, and with the downfall of marriages as a result. As a single person, you may want to know what to look for as you date and consider someone for marriage. There are clear signs in a new relationship that you may not be financially compatible. Since conflict over money (how to spend, save, and debt) is the number one reason for divorce, it pays to be savvy about it as you date and discover. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music folder on your computer. Sync with your MP3 player or iPod, and listen to Nina Atwood, the Singlescoach®, anytime! [...] 
You’re on a date and it’s time to order a beverage. Should you order alcohol? The answer is: it depends - on which date it is and on your personal goals for a relationship. Alcohol fosters illusion and false chemistry, and that can lead to falling into some of the worst temptations. Having a drink or two with your date should be enjoyable, fun, and never dangerous. It pays to know when to say “yes” to alcohol and when to say “no.” Listen to this podcast for the four dating and drinking etiquette rules that will help you stay on the right path to a great relationship. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music folder on your computer. Sync with your MP3 player or iPod, and listen to Nina Atwood, the Singlescoach®, anytime! Amazon.com Widgets 
This week’s hot Hollywood news item is that the stars of the blockbuster Twilight series, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, may be getting back together. Why not? One affair doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship. In fact, it can be a new beginning and actually bring a couple closer. But there are things to watch out for along the way if you want a healthy, lasting relationship post affair. Here’s my advice for Robert and Kristen, and all couples in this situation. Also in this podcast: How to recover from break-ups powerfully so that you can return to being open to the possibility of a loving, lasting relationship! Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music folder on your computer. Sync with your MP3 player or iPod, and listen to Nina Atwood, the Singlescoach®, anytime! Amazon.com Widgets 
Online dating web sites constitute a billion dollar industry, and the big sites – Match.com, eHarmony, and others – will tell you that they possess secret algorithms that increases your odds of finding the right person. But now a large study published by the Association for Psychological Science reveals what’s really happening. Among their findings: 1. Dating sites give you greater access to more potential partners, but the act of browsing and comparing large numbers of profiles can create a mindset of commoditizing potential partners and reduce the willingness to commit to any one person. 2. Communicating online works well in the short run, but is detrimental if carried on for too long. It can lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment when potential partners meet in real life. 3. Although many dating sites claim superior results matching partners through the use of “scientific algorithms,” there is little evidence that these algorithms can predict whether people are good matches or will have chemistry with one another. The authors of the study found that utilizing these matching schemes via online dating sites [...] 
You are in love with the guy you believe is “the one.” Everything seems to be going great, when suddenly, he backs off. He gives you some kind of lame excuse, or he gives you no excuse, but he doesn’t give you a valid reason. You have nothing to work with, and you realized that you have been abandoned. It is a devastating feeling. Why does this happen? What are the signposts that may tell you when the guy you are dating could be the guy who exits abruptly? Most importantly, what can you do, and how can you respond? Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music folder on your computer. Sync with your MP3 player or iPod, and listen to Nina Atwood, the Singlescoach®, anytime! Amazon.com Widgets 
Dear Nina: I just read Internet Dating for the Savvy Single – AWESOME. Packed with common sense dating advice. I am trying to get back to dating but I am having trouble getting over my last relationship. We met on a dating site and instantly clicked – rare. We had an eight month relationship which was fantastic. I got a STD test and found out I have HSV-1. Asymptomatic – I have NEVER in my life had a cold sore so I was shocked by the results. Needless to say my girlfriend told me that the HSV-1 was a deal-breaker. I offered to take suppression meds - Valtrex - so it would minimize her risk. She wouldn’t do it and broke it off. This one is taking me longer than usual to get over due to the fact that there was nothing really wrong with the relationship. Any suggestions on how to overcome this, or just let time do its thing. – Mitchell Dear Mitchell: I have known TONS of people over the years with the herpes virus, [...] 
Have you ever loved someone who could not or would not move forward and make a real commitment? Did you ever find yourself in the position of holding onto someone who caused you more pain than happiness? Do your friends tell you that you are settling? Do you know what it feels like to believe that the person you love is the ONLY person you could ever love that much, so that you have no objectivity, no ability to choose in or choose out? Do you talk endlessly to your friends and family about all the problems in your relationship, re-hashing every painful moment, yet feel powerless to either change it or move on? If you have a pattern of getting into relationships with people who cannot or will not meet your needs, yet you cannot let go of them, you might be suffering from love addiction. Find out what the signs and symptoms are, as well as what you can do to begin your recovery. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 [...] 
Dear Nina: I am a 40-something male who has never married or been in a committed relationship. When I ask why all my friends married and I didn’t, all I can think of is that in some sense, I never learned how to pursue a woman. I’m used to being a loner. The desire is there to have a soulmate, but I’m not in the situations to meet attractive, available people and I fear I didn’t learn the skills or get the experiences I should have gotten 20+ years earlier. But I’m turned off by overly aggressive women who come on way too fast as well. But being in any situation where I’m having to lead others, especially women, feels awkward like having to use my left hand in everything. Any thoughts? – Randall Dear Randall: I’ve heard similar stories from other men, so you are not alone. You are in a catch-22: you’re inexperienced in the art of pursuit, but uncomfortable with women who might pursue you, so a relationship is unlikely to occur [...] 
Why do we choose the people that we do? Sure, there’s physical attraction, but it turns out there are other factors at play when we act the crazy way we do in the name of love. Politics and religion have more to do with it than you may realize, even if you don’t talk about it! Find out all the fascinating science behind love and mate selection. Also in this Love Strategies show, find out what you need to know to make it more likely that love the second time around can actually work. Divorce and remarriage isn’t so easy, so you will need this information if you are divorced and dating. Also, understand the risks and hazards of dating long distance, and what to do about it. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music folder on your computer. Sync with your [...] 
Dear Nina: I listen to your podcasts and I have read and refer back to Temptations of the Single Girl quite a bit! I became acquainted with a man at my new gym. He happened to be an employee there, selected to evaluate me for a personal fitness consultation. However instead of asking me questions pertaining to my health and fitness I was being interrogated with questions about my relationship status, my career/life choices, and travels. Felt like a date. Long story short I could feel an instant attraction and I could feel it was mutual. Upon returning for another personal training session a few days later I could still feel the sparks flying. In a situation like this, is it safe to say he should make a move to set up a date if he’s interested? Personally I prefer men make the first move, although the alpha female in me wants to take things into her own hands. But I feel like I miss out on opportunities in doing so. What do you think? Am I [...] 
Remember the bizarre meltdown of Congressman Weiner? The story is old but it ties into the debate about monogamy: What is happening to monogamy? If you pay attention to the media, you might begin to conclude that is is an antiquated notion that no longer applies to today’s modern relationships. In this podcast, Nina tackles the issue of monogamy: why it is so important and what it has to do with today’s relationships. Also: is sexting cheating? Are emails of a sexual nature to someone outside of your relationship a sign that you’re cheating? Nina covers all these issues and more, including cyber cheating. Also in this episode of Love Strategies: How to identify the signs of a relationship that is turning violent and what to do about it. Every woman who has ever felt afraid of her boyfriend or husband should listen to this. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on [...] 
What are your dreams for your life? Do you believe you can make them happen, or have you given up? More importantly, what is in the way of you achieving your dreams? In this enlightening podcast, Nina talks about the power of dreams: defining them, overcoming obstacles, and believing in them. If you are willing to take a few risks, you may want to challenge yourself to a.) define your dreams, and b.) understand how you may be sabotaging yourself on the road to achieving them. Also, find out how dreams can be the fuel for your life, and what kind of dreams actually motivate people. Understand the role of financial goals and what kind are empowering versus the kind that actually can get in the way. Learn how to create energy, motivation, and more life satisfaction. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save [...] 
What is “free love” and how does it affect today’s relationships? If you are over the age of 45, you already have some concept, but whether you do or not, the 1960′s notion of “free love” has a huge impact on relationships today. Your life has already been impacted by this historical phenomenon, and you may want to know how, especially for women. It’s not what you think, and in this enlightening podcast Nina shreds old notions about this familiar concept. Find out what real love really is, how two people can create it together, and why it is so much better than the alternatives, no matter how “free.” Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music folder on your computer. Sync with your MP3 player or iPod, and listen to Nina Atwood, the Singlescoach®, anytime! Amazon.com Widgets 
Dear Nina: My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have two children – a 9-year-old boy and 7-year-old girl. We have a difficult, unhappy marriage. There’s no outward fighting or drama, and our young children may not know there’s a problem. But my wife and I rarely have meaningful talks or display affection. We’ve become essentially roommates. We would like to divorce but are worried about the impact on our young kids. Our marriage isn’t completely intolerable. So should we stay together for the kids’ benefit? Or should we consider our own (selfish?) desires and divorce? –Martin O., age 39 Dear Martin: First, you are correct to be concerned about your children. There is no question that they will be affected by a divorce. Research shows that children of intact families fare better than children of divorce. They perform better in school, they tend to be physically and emotionally healthier, they are less likely to get involved in drug or alcohol abuse, they are more likely to go to college, and [...] 
New studies highlight a so-called new trend: Stayover Relationships. The question raised by these studies is this: “Do stayover relationships interfere with the path to marriage?” But is this really a new trend, and does it really impact the decision to marry? Couples have been “staying over” for decades – meaning that they maintain separate homes but spend three or more nights per week at one place or the other. Find out from Nina why staying over might not be a bad idea, and also what to watch out for if your relationship follows this trend. Also in this podcast, find out what couples author Steve Stosny calls “toddler love.” Understand what it is, how it impact relationships, and how can you can avoid shooting yourself in the foot in a new relationship. Click on the arrow below to listen now, or download and listen to this podcast later. Listen Now You can download this podcast as an MP3 file: Right click on “Listen Now,” choose “save target as” and save it to your music [...] 
“Love at first sight” is a well-known expression, but how real is it? I’ve heard many couples over the years refer to how quickly they fell in love. Some say it was instantaneous, others say it took weeks or months. You have probably heard more than one friend say “it was love at first sight”! The latest research tells us that it is possible to fall in love in as little as a fraction of a second. But the reality is that it doesn’t always lead to lasting love. One study, conducted by Syracuse University Professor Stephanie Ortigue, revealed that up to twelve areas of the brain are involved in falling in love, the net result of which is a feeling of euphoria not unlike the feeling derived from the use of cocaine. Researchers found that this could happen in as little as a fifth of a second. They also found that the experience of love is based on processes that take place not just in the brain, but also in the heart and stomach. “Butterflies” in the stomach [...] 
