July 6th, 2007 by Nina Atwood
Guys prefer straight talk. Is it easy to do from a woman’s perspective? Not for most women. Women are socialized to be nice, and maybe we’re a bit hard-wired that way as well. For thousands of years (and it’s only begun to change in the last fifty years), women’s survival depending upon men – first on father, then on husband. In some of the most highly-populated areas of our planet women still depend heavily on men for survival. So it makes sense that in order to maintain the attachment to a man (i.e., the ticket to survival), a woman had to defer her thoughts, opinions, and feelings.
But we live in a society now that enables a woman to carve out her own unique path in the world – to be educated, to establish a prosperous career or business, and to achieve financial independence. With those changes we’ve developed a far larger voice, but that voice is still developing. Too much socializing and hard-wiring sometimes translates to games in dating instead of straight talk. Trying to be too nice, a woman often fails to say it straight, espcially in a dating context. But it’s to her benefit to develop this skill if she plans to have an egalitarian marriage (i.e., one in which she can speak her mind and negotiate her needs).
Building emotional muscle for an open, honest, empowering marriage doesn’t start the day you marry. It starts on the first date, and not the first date with the person you marry but every first date. And every second, third, and fourth date. Every social encounter and every date presents an opportunity to practice something. You can practice withholding the truth, faking your feelings, and hedging instead of being honest. Or, you can practice self-awareness and communication transparency (i.e., straight talk).
Since practice makes permanent, the way you communicate with guys today is the way you’ll communicate in your marriage. Decide now what you want in the future – open, honest, loving communication OR a relationship based on hiding what you really feel, expecting your mate to mind-read. It’s your choice and it’s a significant choice. I, of course, highly recommend the path of straight talk. It’s healthier for you now and it makes you a healthier mate in the future so that you will attract a healthy guy.
Entry Filed under: Communication