Dating Wounded People: What Does It Say About Me?

 By Nina Atwood

Paul asks if he’s wounded to be so drawn to someone who clearly has huge issues (financial, single parenting, emotional, etc.). He wonders what it means about him that he struggles over whether or not to re-engage with this beautiful woman. The answer is that yes, it does indicate something about you if you are drawn to someone who doesn’t have her act together in life. What does it mean?

When you are drawn to very wounded people, and you choose to connect with them, it indicates that you’re putting off your own inner work in favor of helping someone else with theirs. I always tell people with this pattern: do your own healing, get your own life working really well, and THEN see who you are attracted to.

The comfort zone is choosing wounded people and churning months and years into helping them heal. Why? Because it’s so much easier to look at the other person’s life and search for solutions than it is to look within. Looking at self is a painful journey, but it can also be very rewarding. The journey of self-discovery and personal growth, while definitely in the stretch zone, leads to a sense of mastery. Gone is the frustration of trying to change others. In its place is personal accomplishment and self-esteem. What a fantastic magnet that is for drawing in another accomplished and esteemed person! Now you have a formula for a life well lived. Your future children have a solid platform on which to grow into their highest and greatest personhood.

Choose the stretch zone for your life, not the comfort zone. Be willing to let go of rescuing and changing others. Focus on YOU, your greatest asset. Get right with yourself emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. Watch your life bloom!

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1 Comment

  • 1. cbdubya  |  August 26th, 2007 at 10:49 am

    I’m deeply offended that you have referred to “single parenting” as a “huge issue” and have implied that single parents are something to be avoided.

    I understand and believe in the point of your article above – that one needs to deal with one’s own issues and not use other’s issues to ignore their own. But wow, I had no idea that my commitment to successfully raise my three beautiful children as a divorced, single parent was such “a huge issue” that others feel the need to repair. I guess I should start working on “getting my act together”.


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