All Things Considered Equal: Myth or Reality in Relationships?
By Nina Atwood
How does an accomplished woman go about finding a suitable mate, meaning someone who is an equal in the general sense of the word? I have little time or energy to hang around the traditional hunting grounds and I’m not sure about dating services. What do you suggest? – Marci
Marci: This is for you and for all accomplished single women. I believe that today’s woman faces unique challenges in the search for a mate, especially if she is a person of intelligence and depth. The traditional roles no longer have appeal for this kind of woman. She tends to be seeking a non-traditional, soul-mate relationship with someone who understands her and respects her as an equal.
Dating services may be helpful in the search if they have a large pool of available men in your age range and provided they give you the controls of choosing whom you wish to contact or be contacted by. In addition, I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to build your social circle of like-minded people, for it is from this community and your connections therein that you are most likely to meet someone suitable. Bars and traditional singles events don’t usually satisfy this. For today’s woman, it’s vital to participate in activities that are aligned with your values and your creative spirit, however you might express that. Make friends and expand from there, trusting that you will meet men who are more likely to be kindred spirits.
Above all, celebrate your uniqueness, your beauty both inside and out. Keeping alive your belief in yourself will draw someone to you who also celebrates who you are. Someone recently sent me the wonderful poem by Maya Angelou which so beautifully captures the essence of today’s woman and that I wanted to share for all the women who read my column, and for all the men who love vibrant, alive, accomplished women:
Phenomenal Woman
By Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies
I say
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees
I say
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see
I say
It’s in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud
I say
It’s in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me
Copyright ©1998 Nina Atwood, All Rights Reserved
Reprints Only by Written Permission of Nina Atwood
Entry Filed under: Advice for Women,Dating
