August 20th, 2010 by Nina Atwood
“I choose to reclaim my sense of personal power.” Great! That’s a wonderful first step for you post break-up. Now you need specific actions and behaviors in order to maintain your personal power. I’ll start with a list of “don’ts”:
- Don’t call your Ex unless you have a specific purpose such as arranging to return belongings; in that case, keep it short and sweet
- When you feel the pain and resentment rise up, do not call your Ex while you are feeling that way; instead, take a few minutes to “download” – write your thoughts and feelings in the form of a letter to him/her
- Don’t mail the letter!
- Don’t drive by, text message, call, ring the doorbell, show up at work, email, snail mail or in any way contact your Ex for a significant period of time; 90 days is a good benchmark; then, challenge yourself by running it by a couple of friends who will question your motives before you take action
- Don’t give yourself permission to obsess about your Ex; give yourself 15 minutes each day to write your thoughts and feelings down, then move on! Get up, get out, get going, DO something productive to counteract the negative feelings
- Don’t focus too far into the future, imagining dour outcomes such as “I’ll never find anyone else who I can love so much!”; stay focused on the present; stay focused on the NEXT RIGHT THING to do in your day
Bottom line: when someone leaves, it’s natural to grieve for a period of time. After that, your focus should be on YOU: on your recovery, on taking steps each day to return to a natural state of joy, on whatever it takes to increase your sense of self-esteem and wellbeing. We reclaim a sense of personal power by focusing on re-building our own lives, our own self-esteem.