Put the “Break” in Break-Up

August 20th, 2010 by Nina Atwood

“I choose to reclaim my sense of personal power.” Great! That’s a wonderful first step for you post break-up. Now you need specific actions and behaviors in order to maintain your personal power. I’ll start with a list of “don’ts”:

  1. Don’t call your Ex unless you have a specific purpose such as arranging to return belongings; in that case, keep it short and sweet
  2. When you feel the pain and resentment rise up, do not call your Ex while you are feeling that way; instead, take a few minutes to “download” – write your thoughts and feelings in the form of a letter to him/her
  3. Don’t mail the letter!
  4. Don’t drive by, text message, call, ring the doorbell, show up at work, email, snail mail or in any way contact your Ex for a significant period of time; 90 days is a good benchmark; then, challenge yourself by running it by a couple of friends who will question your motives before you take action
  5. Don’t give yourself permission to obsess about your Ex; give yourself 15 minutes each day to write your thoughts and feelings down, then move on! Get up, get out, get going, DO something productive to counteract the negative feelings
  6. Don’t focus too far into the future, imagining dour outcomes such as “I’ll never find anyone else who I can love so much!”; stay focused on the present; stay focused on the NEXT RIGHT THING to do in your day

Bottom line: when someone leaves, it’s natural to grieve for a period of time. After that, your focus should be on YOU: on your recovery, on taking steps each day to return to a natural state of joy, on whatever it takes to increase your sense of self-esteem and wellbeing. We reclaim a sense of personal power by focusing on re-building our own lives, our own self-esteem.

Entry Filed under: Advice for Men,Advice for Women,Breaking Up,Dating

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