July 7th, 2010 by Nina Atwood
For years Iíve written about the importance of communication in dating†- being able to open up and express what you really think and feel; listening to understand†- so that you can really get to know the person you are thinking of spending your life with. New research shows that being able to open up about how you feel is vital to women’s health.
What this research tells us about dating is that you need to date someone long enough to get past the enchantment stage, get into some arguments, and discover your style of communication during the discussion of stressful topics. Women need to pay attention to these factors:
- Does he listen to me respectfully?
- Does he acknowledge my point of view, even if he doesnít agree?
- Does he respond to me with warmth?
- Does he give me time to air my thoughts and feelings?
Of course, this same checklist applies to how women listen to men. You must give what you expect to receive. In dating, you give and then you pay attention to what comes back. Unlike†a quid pro quo, this is not a scorecard you keep every day. But over time, notice the patterns. In dating, you generally get the best foot forward in the first few weeks. If during that time you donít see that heís a good listener, donít expect him to miraculously transform into one later.