Tell The Guy You’re Not Interested
By Nina Atwood
Tracie met Todd at a work function. He asked her out and she didn’t have anything better to do so she accepted. That night, they drank wine and as the alcohol loosened her up, Tracie found that kissing Todd didn’t seem like such a bad idea. She flirted with him, they kissed a lot, and the next day – surprise, surprise – he called to ask for another date. Again, Tracie accepted, and again, they had a fun evening, augmented by the bottle of wine they shared. Lots of kissing again took place, but the next day Tracie was far from enchanted with Todd. Now she had a dilemma.
When Todd called the third time, Tracie let voice mail pick up the call. She didn’t call back. The next day, Todd called again and left a message. Then he called back an hour later, blocking caller i.d., and she picked up thinking it was someone else. What ensued was a confusing dating dance that left Todd scratching his head in dismay. He asked her out, she hedged and said she was busy. He picked another night and she said she would be busy helping a friend move for the next two weeks. Finally, he gave up and asked her to call when her calendar cleared. She agreed, said she had to go, and hung up.
Not wanting to hurt Todd’s feelings, Tracie was reluctant to tell him she wasn’t interetested going forward. She hoped he would get the message from her evasiveness and go away. Why all the kissing? It was fun and the wine helped. Sometimes Tracie likes to enjoy feeling wanted by a guy. But that’s where it stops because she doesn’t always want him back.
I get hundreds of letters from guys wanting to know the answer to one basic question: Is she interested in dating me or not? It seems that there are a lot of confusing dating dances going on out there, and the resolution to that is actually quite simple. This one is for the girls: JUST TELL HIM.
Tell him you’re not interested in dating him. Period. End of story. No more song and dance, no more evasiveness, no more crooked communication. Just tell him the truth. Believe me, he will vastly appreciate that over the mixed messages and confusion. It’s also good for you – read my next blog to find out why.
If you’re a guy and you prefer straight talk from women, post a comment below.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Women,Dating
2 Comments
1. George | July 5th, 2007 at 11:53 am
My comment relates to this post and a couple earlier ones.
Yes Nina. Tell the women to just be honest with us. And don’t say “yes” to us if they really don’t want to.
Cyndi posted at http://www.singlescoach.com/blog/?p=145 about guys who didn’t want relationships. And Nina answered at http://www.singlescoach.com/blog/?p=150
Cyndi … Be thankful that the guys you meet tell you up front. My friends are on my case because I DO tell. I’m not interested in a relationship at all. As the years pass, I am less and less interested in a relationship but the women seem to be more and more interested.
No man in my immediate family history has lived past 55. I’m 48 now so, despite the fact that I’m slim and in good shape, the odds are that I won’t live more than 7 more years, probably even less. My goals aren’t a deep relationship. Kids are definitely out for me. My daily goals are about paying my bills and having enough time and money left over to have the best time I can in the few years I have left.
No, I don’t tell a woman all this on the first date. I want to give it a chance. But I do tell before the end of the 2nd date. I don’t want to lead the woman on. That frequently ends things right there, but that is how it should be. But my guy friends all tell me I shouldn’t tell, at least until after I’ve had sex a few times. So, I’m saying to be thankful that the guys you meet tell you up front. It could be a lot worse. They could be pretending to want a relationship and waiting to tell you later. Watch out for my friends because for them, what to say to a woman is like playing a video game … which phrase do they click to move to the next level!
My personal complaint is on the other side: women who do NOT do what Nina suggests in her reply to you at http://www.singlescoach.com/blog/?p=150 or in this post. In this post Nina says to give us straight talk. PLEASE. If you are not interested, say so. Do not worry about our feelings. Wasting time because we do not know is what hurts. Rejection stings, but only for a moment. We’ll move on. We’ll get over you. You are not that important. Life is too short. And I know that.
Listen to Nina. Don’t give in. My problem is women who think that they can change me, or fix me or somehow prove that what I want is wrong, or that I could have “more” or that I should have a “soul mate”. Or women who were attracted after date 1 and totally turned off after date 2 and don’t want to say so. Worst are women who do not truly want who I am, but figure that I’m “good enough” or “better than nothing”.
Let me date the women who, like me, don’t want a “relationship” and can truly enjoy just having some temporary fun and being a couple of ships passing in the nights. If that is not what you want, just tell me and move on!!
George
2. James | July 5th, 2007 at 11:08 pm
Nina … you wrote “If you’re a guy and you prefer straight talk from women, post a comment below. ” So here goes. I prefer it absolutely. One reason I do is that I’m not particularly astute at picking up on women’s “hints” and “signals”. I claim it isn’t just me and I tell people that “Guys don’t got hint genes!”
Most of the guys I know are like me … not particularly astute in this department. Many of the women I know, whether in a relationship arena or the business arena, can really get into trying to figure out what the other person meant when they said something. The guys I know tend to take things more at face value.
I’d want the woman to cut to the chase and get it over with. Pull that bandage off fast. Straight talk.
James