The Bachelor: Capturing the Right Guy’s Attention
By Nina Atwood
The myth is that the right clothes, hair, makeup and witty lines will attract the person you desire. Now we have a television series in which a dozen women compete for the attention of one man. In The Bachelor, anxiety runs high as they strategize ways to draw his attention and love. In the end, though, nature wins every time. He either falls in love with one of them or he doesn’t. Some of the former Bachelors have married the women they picked, most have not. In one of the rare instances of reality teleivision mirroring real life, we find that on The Bachelor, relationships cannot be manipulated, strategized, or forced.
All of the suspense of this season boils down to the moment when Andy Baldwin . . . picks his next girlfriend. That’s right, his next girlfriend. Even if he proposes tonight, the reality is that this relationship is just beginning. No one knows if it will stand the test of time and move into a marriage.
Real relationships are formed by real connections between real people. All the strategizing in the world won’t get that for you. The basis of all healthy relaitonships is simple: be yourself, and be comfortable with who you are. With so many messages around us implying that we should be taller, shorter, thinner, wittier, funnier, more successful, or something other than ourselves, it’s difficult to trust that who we are is enough.
Instead of worrying about whether this person or that person notices/accepts/wants you, focus instead on practice. What you practice is the basics – being yourself, being real, sharing your thoughts in a genuine way, being interested in the other person, responding appropriately, making eye contact, and letting the outcome be what it is. Bottom line: The right guy is defined as someone who responds to you, who gets you, without a whole lot of work on your part.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Women,Dating
