Why Men Leave

 By Nina Atwood

After years of being with the same man, you may wake up one day and find that he has moved on. The heartache and emotional trauma seem unbearable at first, but eventually you come out of your fog of grief, anger, and whatever you are feeling and ask the question: why?

You may tell yourself that you don’t understand why he left, but in reality most women know deep down when their relationships aren’t quite right. Part of your healing requires rigorous self-honesty: what part did you play in the demise of the relationship?

Sometimes it’s in the very beginning: the compromise you made when you chose him. Uncomfortable though it seems, many women have to face up to making a poor choice of life partner because of emotional neediness or the ticking biological clock. Deep down, you knew he wasn’t the best person to spend the rest of your life with, but you were unwilling to take the risk that by saying “no” to him you might wind up alone or childless. Consequently, you focused on your children but neglected the relationship that never quite feel right. So now you have your children, and that’s a great blessing, but you are also raising them alone.

When a man senses that the woman he’s married to is not in love with him, he’s going to do one of three things: 1. drown himself in work or hobbies so that he’s sufficiently rewarded in other areas of life, 2. have an affair with someone who meets his emotional needs, or 3. leave. If he chooses one or two, the day may come when you can no longer stand being in an inauthentic marriage, and you may be the one to leave. But if he does, it’s usually because the affair has turned into something viable (or so he thinks). Bottom line: men leave when they have something good to go to.

The lesson for us as women: never, ever again compromise your choice of mate, no matter the extraneous pressures. The priority line-up should be clear: spiritual/self care first, healthy relationship second, children third. If you are self-caring, you learn how to support yourself financially so that you never have to be trapped in a bad relationship for survival. If you are self-caring, you are far more likely to attract someone who will respect and care for you; you simply aren’t attracted to emotionally unavailable bad boys. That leads you into a loving relationship, and from there you start a family once the rest is lined up. In a good, healthy relationship, both people want it and are therefore highly motivated to invest in keeping their bond alive. It’s easy to affair-proof your marriage when you both want to be married to each other.

Entry Filed under: Advice for Women,Dating,Divorce,Marriage,Relationships

1 Comment

  • 1. Divorce Meditation  |  January 24th, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    Thanks for taking the time to write this page and trying to help other Men out there going through divorce.



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