Does Texting Ruin Relationships?

 By Nina Atwood

Recently a journalist called and wanted to discuss the impact of texting on relationships – not the first time I have been asked that question. It’s highly relevant given the prevalence of social medial and how it’s used. Here are the questions asked and my answers:

Do you think that texting creates insecurity and misunderstanding in a relationship? And does it give a man more power?

Texting is just a tool, and like any other tool, it can be used constructively or destructively. If you have an issue in your relationship, texting is not the avenue to solve it. Face-to-face interaction is better because you stand a far better chance of reading the nuances of your partner’s emotions. Printed words can be easily misunderstood – people often react strongly to the written word because they misinterpret the other person’s intentions. Here’s the general rule: if it’s emotionally sensitive, take it to the telephone or face-to-face.

Texting doesn’t give a man more  power. Women give away their power by responding to texts instead of holding  out for real-time interactions. For example, women often respond to requests  for dates via text. That is settling for less! It’s so incredibly safe for a  guy to text a woman for a date – he doesn’t have to risk the rejection of  hearing her say “no.” Some guys send out texts to multiple women and the first  one that says “yes” gets the date. Sheesh! This is boy behavior, not man behavior. Women feel insecure when they settle for immature behavior and allow it to keep them off-balance.

Do  you think that the modern dating world and the increase of casual relationships is due to texting?

No – texting inappropriately is a symptom of the  increase in casual relationships. The cause is women settling for crumbs  instead of holding out for the banquet. We teach people how to treat us, and  unfortunately, we have a couple of generations of women who have been teaching guys that they don’t have to do anything to win their attention. I have had guys tell me that they can go out to a bar where a lot of cute girls hang out, and walk out two hours later with their pockets full of phone numbers – given to them without even asking!

Women used to set the bar much higher for men – demanding respect and love, unwilling to simply be a “sex object.” Now, all a cute guy has to do is text “want to hang out?” and he has someone to sleep with that night. This is a huge problem that costs both men and women – no one feels good at the end of a casual hook up. The number one temptation that single women succumb to is getting sexual too soon, hoping for more, but unable to get it because having sex too soon inhibits real emotional intimacy.

Dating is complicated with technology, so do you think you should even text someone you’re dating or in a relationship with?

Texting is a fun tool in a loving committed relationship. My husband travels with his job and we often text little love notes. It’s fun, when it’s used in the context of a secure relationship, as a way of staying in touch on the fly. In that way, it can be very positive. You don’t have to be married for it to work in a positive way, you just need to be in a solid relationship and use it for little touches and checking in – never for addressing sensitive issues.

Do you think texting is a positive or negative thing when it comes to intimacy?

Another way to say intimacy is “into me see,” and that is the real purpose. It’s about being transparent, revealing your true self – hopes, dreams, fears, aspirations, history, etc. – to another person. That kind of intimacy is how you bond with someone in a relationship. You can text someone you are intimate with, but you cannot create intimacy with texting.

Lastly, do you have any additional comments or thoughts when it comes to texting and dating?

Dating is supposed to be fun but at the end of the day it’s about finding the right person with whom to share your life. If you want a great relationship, take it to the real world, and take some emotional risks. Play it smart by putting off sex for a considerable period of time until you are confident that you have a loving, committed relationship. Your self-respect will skyrocket and your love life will be the best it’s ever been. Then, you can text your Sweetie to your heart’s content!

Entry Filed under: Advice for Men,Advice for Women,Dating,Personal Growth,Relationships


  • 1. Brooke  |  December 4th, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Texting indirectly ruined a relationship I was in. This man would only like to text and I made the mistake of responding to him, at first. I did not like to carry conversations via texting and said more than once that I’d prefer to talk on the phone or face to face. Finally, I stopped answering texts and he’d call only to return to texting. I ended it. It’s the perfect thing for player type men. I know of someone who would text one woman while being on a date with another!

  • 2. Cindy  |  December 20th, 2011 at 1:51 am

    Texting doesn’t ruin a relationship. It depends on how they use it in their every day relation. If both of you could always see each other without any hassle, why keep on texting instead of talking personally? And it’s true that it’s NOT advisable to make up your relationship through text because the other one might really misinterpret. And TRUE feelings can easily hide in printed words. 😀

  • 3. The Dating Blog Girl  |  December 30th, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Some people – especially men – seem to find it easier to text than to talk face to face. Perhaps it adds an extra layer of ‘safety’ or remoteness to the conversation. However, no relationship is going to blossom long-term on texting, I fear.

  • 4. Relationship Building  |  January 16th, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    With the way technology is becoming a regular part of our lives, questions of this nature are going to need to be dealt with more and more. I think texting can help add some fun to the relationship, but if it’s your primary source of communication, it may be wise to start developing new ways of reaching each other.

  • 5. Sarah  |  April 17th, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    I agree with the article. Not all texting will kill the relationship. A man who texts is lazy and does not want to take the time to talk to you on the phone or in person. It is okay to text here or there if you want to see how the other person is doing. It should not be the main tool of communication. I had an entire long distance relationship based on texting. My boyfriend said that he was on the phone all day at work and did not feel like talking. This hurt me, but I continued the relationship anyway because I thought I was being a baby about it.

    Texting became a way for him to control the pace of the relationship. If I would text, he would text me back and sometimes he would not. He dictated how often we talked, when we talked and what we discussed. At this point, communication because a one-way street. We had some problems and communication was not there. We could not work it out and we broke up.


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