Even though we know that friendship is a powerful foundation for romance, rarely do we take the time to allow it to develop first. Why? First, we’re bombarded by images in the media that teach us love should be like a rocket taking off – WHOOSH! In our never-ending quest for bigger and more exciting experiences, we rush into romance (read “sex”). We want to be like those glamorous couples on the covers of magazines who hook up in about 90 seconds. Then there’s the desire for instant gratification. Why take the time to get to know someone when you […] Read More...

When do you begin to open up with someone you’re dating? How does intimacy start? What do we mean by intimacy? In a world that is often too rushed, too cold, and too filled with problems and pain, we long for a sanctuary, a safe place to be cared for and loved. In the most mundane sense, the purose of love relationships is to procreate. But in a higher sense, the purpose is to create intimacy and thus a safe place in which to grow.  In the arms of a beloved partner, we open our hearts, share our dreams, fears, hopes, and […] Read More...

Julie couldn’t wait to marry Sam. They met at a party and were inseparable from that moment on. She dreamed night and day about the glorious moment Sam would propose to her. She could picture the diamond solitaire ring. When the day finally came, she felt soaring joy throughout her being. She felt as though she was fulfilling her life destiny – to meet and marry a wonderful guy. For the next few months, she focused all of her energy on the wedding. She scoured hundreds of magazines and shops before finding the perfect wedding dress. She meticulously planned her […] Read More...

Ask people on the street: Do opposites attract? You’ll get the answer “yes” most of the time. This is one of those myths that falls in the bucket of what people think vs. what people do. Ask it another way: Do you want to marry someone like you or different than you? Most people will say they want someone different. But when it’s time to choose someone to marry, the most successful couples choose someone more like themselves than different. It turns out those marriages are the most stable and lasting. So where does the myth opposites attract come from? Primarily […] Read More...

In this freewheeling, sex-and-the-city, post-modern, uber-woman, I-don’t-need-a-man, 50% divorce world, does it still make sense to aim for marriage? The answer is: It depends. It depends on the vision you have for your life, your willingness to be flexible, how open your heart is, and how able you are to make a real commitment. If your goal is supreme independence (I don’t want to have to answer to anyone), you’ll probably remain single, unless your attitude changes. If your goal is marriage, then the next question is: How do you get him to have that goal? The obvious answer is: you […] Read More...

Cindy asks: When do guys want to get married? I’ve always asked guys how they feel about marriage. They all say they want to get married … until we start to get serious and then they break up. My last boyfriend told me that he DID want to get married, but first he wanted to date lots of women. Are all guys this nuts? The quick answer is: A guy wants to get married when he realizes he’s with someone he trusts, loves, admires, respects, and with whom he wants to share his life. Your question, Cindy, is really this one: […] Read More...

Stacie wondered how much she should query a guy on the first date. Should she ask about his past relationships? That seemed so personal, so private, and she was reluctant to pry. So what are first dates supposed to be about? What topics are taboo? The primary purpose of a first date is to decide whether or not there’s any point in dating. There are two questions that you need answered by the end of the date: What is my level of attraction? Sparks or no sparks? Are there any red flags that are telling me this is doomed at the […] Read More...

David, a client of mine years ago, once confessed to me that he’d reviewed the profiles of over 250 women and none of them measured up. I asked, “Are you saying that out of 250 women you can’t identify even one you would be willing to ask to meet you for a cup of coffee?” David’s quest for perfection was leading him down a blind alley. The problem was his filter, the list of criteria through which he ran women in his mind. David was looking for a woman with no flaws, no imperfections, no humanity. David didn’t realize that […] Read More...

After two or three bad relationships, your heart may seize up in fear. “Is it worth the risk of getting hurt again?” you wonder. You are having perfectly normal feelings in response to pain. When love goes wrong, you need time for healing. You may lose trust in yourself; the loss of faith in your own ability to make good choices can leave you shaken. Think of your heart like a broken leg. You would never go skiing with a cast on your leg! You wouldn’t be able to navigate the slopes and if you fell again, you might have […] Read More...

Katie says that her married friends sometimes criticize her for not devoting enough time to searching for her future husband. They say that she’s too focused on her career and doesn’t make time for getting out, meeting men, and dating. They want her to be happy, so they pressure her to find a man. She wants to be happy today, whether or not she’s got a guy. Who is right? Singles are often given the message that they should be in a relationship and that it’s bad if they’re not. “Have you met anyone new?” is the question. If you say […] Read More...

You’re standing there in front of someone new, someone cute, someone you would maybe like to date. Suddenly, you’re tongue-tied, at a loss for words, can’t think of anything intelligent to say. Your brain does a quick file scan, searching desperately for a good “line.” Before you can let the words out, your brain sends you a second message: “What if this sounds like a line? What if I turn her off because I sound like some slick dude trying to score?” More consternation and another protracted pause. Do you feel your anxiety rising as you recall times like this? Let’s […] Read More...

Amy met Richard online. After a couple of emails, they agreed to talk on the phone. That went well, so they set up a date for drinks after work. Sparks flew instantly. After two hours and a bottle of wine between them, they moved on to a nearby restaurant hot spot. Dinner was fabulous; they couldn’t stop talking. Time flew and suddenly they realized it was late in the evening. Richard asked if he could follow Amy home to make sure she was okay. That turned into an invitation to come in for a cup of coffee. One thing led to […] Read More...

Stephen writes: I recently met a beautiful, intelligent woman through a discussion group that we both attend. Two weeks ago, I asked to walk her home. We spent some private time together and the sparks flew. I didn’t kiss her but we had a passionate hug. Since then, I called her once and left a message. She returned the call but didn’t leave a message. I’ve emailed her but she hasn’t responded. What can I do to win this woman’s heart? I really want to date her and build a lasting relationship. The goal of winning a good woman’s heart is […] Read More...

Men aren’t the only ones who shoot themselves in the foot on first dates. Women are also vulnerable. The goal on a first date isn’t to win him over or impress him. When a woman focuses on winning a guy over, she takes away his natural urge to pursue. This throws the relationship off balance at the get-go. Instead, a woman’s goal is to be her best self and trust the process to reveal whether or not this date holds the possibility of a good relationship. That said, she must pay attention to behavior that could sabotage her goal. Things NOT […] Read More...

If you want to stand out in the dating scene guys, a good place to start is to pay attention to your first date behavior. The following are things NOT to do if you want to impress a woman. These examples come from real dating stories, believe it or not. If you want to impress a woman, don’t: Show up on first dates in blue jeans Ask her if you can wipe your wet hands (from your drink glass) on her skirt After you meet via dating service, wait two weeks to call and ask for a date Wait until Thursday or […] Read More...

Anita couldn’t believe what was happening. The geeky guy with the pocket protector was standing in front of her chattering animatedly. She felt trapped, unable to break away because of the voice inside her that kept saying, “it’s rude to just walk away.” Meanwhile, the totally hot guy she’d had her eye on earlier was getting away. She was smiling and her head was nodding but inside, she was seething. Anita suffers from Too Nice Syndrome. Getting trapped in a conversation with someone you don’t like is one of the risks you take as a single person, but it doesn’t have to […] Read More...

If you’ve ever been set up by a friend and experienced a disastrous date as a result, take heart! Set-ups by friends don’t have to be negative experiences; in fact, they can be opportunities for growth and discovery, if you have the right mind-set. One of the problems with set-ups is unrealistic expectations. Your friend says, “I’ve got someone wonderful to introduce you to! You are going to so like this guy! He’s fabulous, he’s everything you’re looking for!” Enthusiasm bubbles out of your friend and if you’re not careful, you are caught up in that enthusiasm. Next thing you know, […] Read More...

Dave writes: Is it possible to have a sexual relationship with a friend of the opposite sex? We really care about each other, and we’re also physically attracted to each other – would we ruin the friendship, or is it worth a try? As soon as you have sex, you are no longer “just friends.” You are now in a romantic relationship, whether you call it that or not. You’re lovers, and that is not the same as friends, although friendship can be part of being lovers. The relationship changes at a fundamental level when you become sexually intimate, regardless […] Read More...

Walter writes: In your post you wrote: The truth is that almost all of us want a relationship with someone special. The exception to this is the true loner – a person whose ability to connect with others is so limited that there’s little possibility of it happening. Are there true loners? People who won’t ever connect permanently with anyone? How should they date? Should they date? Could you comment more on this? Yes, there are true loners, people who either can’t connect in a meaningful way or who have given up on connecting with others. Should a loner date? […] Read More...

Jordan and Haley had been dating for four weeks. They spent Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons together, and they went out two nights per week. Things were heating up and Haley wondered whether Jordan was dating anyone else. Here’s how she handled it. First, she set the stage by looking for the right venue and timing. She steered their date that Saturday night to a quiet neighborhood spot so they could talk more intimately without shouting. Second, she planned ahead and took notes which she kept in her pocketbook as a back-up. Third, she broached the subject boldly yet with no agenda other […] Read More...

How long should you date before you become exclusive? The answer is: it depends. The question is: what are you looking for? If you’re trying to date with no strings attached, then you can go for months, maybe even years. But if you read the SinglesCoach blog regularly, you know by now that it doesn’t work to date for a long time without a commitment. If your goal is a committed relationship leading to marriage, then exclusivity is a benchmark for progress toward your goal. Let’s look at how that works. You meet someone you’re attracted to, and the feeling […] Read More...

Is six months long enough? A year? Nine months? What about six weeks? How long should it take to commit? The answer is, of course, it depends. There is no right, exact answer. It depends not just on the calendar but on the heart and emotional timetable. Here are the things to consider in your quest to move a dating relationship to commitment: How long has it been since your last relationship, and how did it end? If one of you is still reeling from a bad divorce or break up of a long-term relationship, commitment will take longer, unless you […] Read More...

If you’re single, female, and over 20, you’re probably wondering where to go to meet all those great guys. Take heart! Right here in a suburb of Dallas, Texas, we have the place to go – Arlington. That’s right - Arlington, Texas was voted number four on a list of best cities in the country to meet men, according to a survey in Men’s Health referred to in a recent Dallas Business Journal article. The Arlington Convention and Visitors Bureau is really excited about this and plans to promote Arlington as a destination for “girlfriend getaways” because of its abundance of […] Read More...

“I was so blinded to the fact that he’s too good to be true,” wrote Ann in her comment. “He may be perfect but only at times when we’re together, but when we’re not… he’s no where to be found.” To Ann, this guy is wonderful. No doubt he’s good looking, charming, and good in bed. Maybe he has a great job, maybe he’s smart. He’s probably not a guy with a criminal past, and maybe he donates to charity. All of that looks and sounds good, but it in no way translates to perfection as a man. Because there’s […] Read More...

Dear SinglesCoach: I’ve been going out with a guy for seven months. We agreed in the beginning that it’s going to be a non-committal thing and just enjoy each other’s company whenever we get the chance. I am starting to fall hard for this guy and I yearn for a solid relationship where love is actually expressed by words and actions. We get along very well and we are perfect for each other in so many ways. I wanted to end it but it’s hard because I keep hoping that we’ll end up together, someday. Should I let it go […] Read More...