Dear Nina: I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She seemed very educated and sophisticated; we’re both in our late 20s. We had been talking for about a half hour and really seemed to develop a great rapport. We had even [...]
Continue Reading 2 comments May 1st, 2011
Dear Singlescoach: I am a 28 yr old woman and I am dating a 17 year old guy. He will be 18 in 5 months. And amazingly this has been the best relationship I have ever been in. However, there are a few problems… His parents don’t approve (especially his mother) and my sister thinks I’m [...]
Continue Reading Add comment July 21st, 2010
For years I’ve written about the importance of communication in dating - being able to open up and express what you really think and feel; listening to understand - so that you can really get to know the person you are thinking of spending your life with. New research shows that being able to open up about [...]
Continue Reading 1 comment July 7th, 2010
Dear Nina: I work with this guy who is 30 yrs old. I just turned 40 but look 32. We have become great friends but it is starting to develop into something more. I do have feelings for him; we have kissed a few times but more on a friendship level. My problem is I lied to him; I told him I [...]
Continue Reading Add comment June 29th, 2010
Dear Nina: I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. I am a divorced mum of one child; I have tried to prevent further trauma to my son by remaining in the marital home. My relationship was very up and down with this man for the first four years and after many split ups he [...]
Continue Reading Add comment June 25th, 2010
I’m a male, 33, and I’ve committed myself to stay out of the bedroom at least until there is a commitment and hopefully even until marriage. I feel that finding out sexual compatibility before marriage should NOT be a requirement. I cannot fathom being in love and then letting performance in bed be the deciding [...]
Continue Reading 2 comments June 23rd, 2010
Cindy met Bill through her tennis club. He was charming, good-looking, and he swept her off her feet in a whirlwind courtship. Pushing for a quick marriage, he proposed after only two months. Though she felt a few flutters of anxiety, Cindy accepted, hoping for true love. Six months later, she deeply regretted the haste. Bill turned out [...]
Continue Reading Add comment June 21st, 2010
Dear Nina: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a month and a half. We’ve been moving at a good pace and I hope we have a strong future ahead of us. I believe he’s going to tell me he loves me soon (he’s given me indications he’s been feeling this way). I’m not sure [...]
Continue Reading 11 comments July 22nd, 2008
If there’s one thing that tougher to talk about than sex (that’s talk about, not do), it’s money! The top two reasons that couples divorce are often cited as sex and money. So why is it so difficult to discuss? In dating, talking about your net worth - if it is high - can be risky. If you haven’t [...]
Continue Reading Add comment September 14th, 2007
What happens during relationship conflict when a man feels unsafe emotionally? When emotionally triggered, our brains are wired to send us into “fight or flight.” One way of fleeing is to clam up, withdraw. Observation over two decades of counseling men and women has demonstrated that this occurs when men feel emotionally unsafe. What makes [...]
Continue Reading 1 comment July 11th, 2007
The latest study on interpersonal communication refutes the old stereotype of women as chatterboxes and men as silent and strong. A U.T. Austin research team recorded conversations of university students in a variety of settings and determined that femals spoke an average of 16,215 words per day while males spoke an average of 15,669 words [...]
Continue Reading Add comment July 10th, 2007
Guys prefer straight talk. Is it easy to do from a woman’s perspective? Not for most women. Women are socialized to be nice, and maybe we’re a bit hard-wired that way as well. For thousands of years (and it’s only begun to change in the last fifty years), women’s survival depending upon men – first [...]
Continue Reading Add comment July 6th, 2007
Since a significant number of singles (30% of men and 19% of women) using dating web sites believe that it’s okay to lie, that puts the responsibility for detecing liars squarely on you. But how can you tell if someone is being honest with you or not? First the truth about liars – there are some [...]
Continue Reading Add comment June 19th, 2007
Julie has a teenaged son. Being a single mom, she’s a bit stressed out. Her son, lacking the day-to-day infuence of a Dad and a solid family, acts out. He talks back, doesn’t always comply with her rules, and sulks around the house. Julie wonders if she should tell men on a first date that [...]
Continue Reading Add comment May 31st, 2007
You’re standing there in front of someone new, someone cute, someone you would maybe like to date. Suddenly, you’re tongue-tied, at a loss for words, can’t think of anything intelligent to say. Your brain does a quick file scan, searching desperately for a good “line.” Before you can let the words out, your brain sends [...]
Continue Reading Add comment April 30th, 2007
The cure for mixed signals in dating is simple: over communicate! If you have a tendency to hold back your thoughts and feelings, hoping that the other person’s behavior will eventually reveal the truth, speak up! Ask, reflect, give your perspective, clarify, listen, push back when it doesn’t make sense. In short, open the dialog [...]
Continue Reading Add comment January 26th, 2007
Unilateral decision making is a huge mistake in relationships. What does that mean? In dating, it means trying to draw conclusions about someone’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions minus feedback. Carry this habit forward into marriage and one day someone comes home from work to find the furniture moved and a divorce petition in the front hallway. [...]
Continue Reading 1 comment January 25th, 2007
Another common dating mistake is trying to read someone’s behavior with no context to refer to. The context I’m talking about is “life context,” meaning the person’s personal relationship history. How do you find out someone’s “life context”? By asking lots of personal, even intrusive, questions. Dating is personal. Sometimes people say, “but that’s so [...]
Continue Reading Add comment January 24th, 2007
Viv’s question in the last post highlights another common dating mistake: overanalyzing others’ behavior to try to figure out what they’re thinking and feeling. Carrie and friends in Sex and the City did this constantly. First, the long descriptors of his every action, word, facial expression, and body language. Then, the dissecting. What does it [...]
Continue Reading 1 comment January 23rd, 2007
Dear SinglesCoach: If a man treats you like a queen but has a “friend” ( he never calls her a girl friend) that he says he is not committed to should I run? He seems wonderful and has helped me tremendously in the last 2 years but his signals are very confusing. When I am [...]
Continue Reading Add comment January 22nd, 2007
